just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
