3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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