You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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