I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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