I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
