Yo dont text me then not text me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
