The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize