Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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