i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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