his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
