Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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