worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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