i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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