If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
