I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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