whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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