I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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