I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
