$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
