Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My cat gives me a boner
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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