i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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