Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think my tv is drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My life is pants optional.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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