I puked a lego.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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