he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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