Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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