Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize