in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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