i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
