Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
