Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
