The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
