By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
