1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This baby is an asshole
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
