everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
