I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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