Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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