Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
