you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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