Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
