some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
