I feel great
I just peed on a car
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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