oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
