I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
