True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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