his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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