The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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