oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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