Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
