he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
