WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i'm inner monologue high
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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