when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
