apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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