Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
