Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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