What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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