all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize