I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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