my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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