I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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