Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
