I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
