she smelled like a LAN party
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
