i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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