I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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