i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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