It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
