were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
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