You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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