Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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