her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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