i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
