After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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