"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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