Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize