I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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