The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you mean i was at the winter classic?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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